non-existent

Exist

2006-03-19T16:46:09Z

Hello people,

been sometime... just dropping to say...

i still exist.

=)

impending doom

2003-12-30T08:20:25Z

hey world, sorry haven't been talking to you much lately. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year by the way!

I'm in school now, was supposed to buy books,
but in the end there's no stock in yet.
Just realised how many commitments i've taken up,
5 CCAs, tutoring, an interntational business plan compeition,
singapore wind symphony, and 3 major school events coming up.
not to mention i'm taking 5 subjects this term,
and crucial subjects! Intro econs, and statistics B.
i'm so excited, worried and everything altogether.

Last night i was at the twins place,
miss them so much. was shocked to see a golden monkey too.
wasn't expecting him to be there.
had a couple of glasses of beer, offered by aunt eileen.
slacked with the twins, watched scary movie 3.
had some "guy" talk with them.
hai~ they're growing up so fast.
the first time i knew them they were in P5.
now, they're in sec one!
i'm getting old, i think.
but they're still sweet lil boys,
reminds me of their brother, just younger.
i'm so proud of sarah too,
i really think she's done so much for herself,
and for the better! she's got it going now.
so so so proud of her.
the sanusis, are like family to me.
may God bless them always.

time to go off, gonna meet my smu friends,
and head down to pasir ris park,
fisherman's village to eat dinner and drink.

tell me that there's someone there to love me.

paolobear @ 2003-12-26T18:11:00

2003-12-26T10:03:42Z

no one can hear me

cry.

paolobear @ 2003-12-19T13:49:00

2003-12-19T05:42:06Z

why do good things have to end.

suffering from LOTR withdrawal symptoms...

what

2003-12-16T17:19:32Z

hey world. guess your burdened lately. sad christmas huh? thanks for crying with me.

i can't believe it's only been like 4 days since my last entry.
there's been so much stuff going on lately i guess.
had sws practice on sunday, played noah's ark and the other pieces.
the concert's cancelled, thank goodness, i'm so unprepared.
had dinner at marche, my god ma's treat.
supposed to go out with the internationals, but they're too lazy.

monday was alright. met up with khalil to do some PL stuff.
met big butt and alexstine for some PL stuff.
sheesh. dunno why i'm getting myself involved again.
rushed home to go to church, for Misa de Gallo (dawn masses).
it's a filipino catholic tradition to have a novena 10 days before christmas.
we're going to different churches everynight for mass,
and what's the best part is that there's free food after!
yesterday we went to Church of St. Anthony of Padua in woodlands.

today was alright, went to teach ccmb. i'm lost my touch.
rushed to meet the patrician PLs at raffles place.
rushed down to big butts place to do nonsense work.
rushed home to go for misa de gallo.
we went to Church of Our Lady Star of the Sea in Yishun.
there are so many filipinos here in singapore.
lots of youths too. i wanna be friends with them!
haha. i mean, i think it's nice to get to know more of my own people.

msn-ing with friends now. came back home not too long ago.
went to simpang bedok to meet a few friends for awhile.
oh well, tomorrow's another day.
gotta work on my research thingy or else my prof's gonna murder me.

Respice post te, mortalem te esse memento
Look around you, remember that you are mortal.

friday blues

2003-12-12T16:47:54Z

hey world. ur damn sad today. same same.
sucks.
dunno what to say.
bleah. went to pasir ris beach and got wet.
bleah.
went to meet my dearest raudha!
she's the only nice thing that happened today!
she made me feel better. hehe.
ok.
bleah.

grrr

2003-12-10T16:39:02Z

so paiseh. can i just die now?
i can't stand it la!

why do i always make a fool out of myself whenever i talk to her?
i'm so lame. trying to be funny. its too fake.
it's not me.

grrr. this sucks.

yeah, i guess it won't work out.

Isso fede
This stinks

phone call

2003-12-10T06:25:06Z

yo world! wassupahappenin lately?

well, msn-ing faith and eric now.
eric was just sending me his management accounting slides.
woke up like an hour ago, had lunch.
i'm supposed to call the jtc office in kaki bukit soon.
i don't know what to say, i get nervous!
oh well, gotta face this fear sooner or later right?
anyway, i intend to do some more statistics today.
alright, catch ya later world!

a patrician hangover

2003-12-08T07:43:18Z

hey world! thanks for not crying yesterday! but i know you had to this morning.

yesterday was fun!
met wee kwang (headless chicken), siang hou & florence at parkway.
i had to drag the bloody ice-box/cooler around parkway.
we were going around giant, i was pushing the cart!
so fun, i think i'm going to be a very good driver.
after buying all the stuff, which took us an hour plus,
flo drove us to the pit. she is one mad driver!
so, yeah we met CJ and Jamiel at the pit.
played some frisbee, did the usual setting up.
ate and ate and ate and ate.
my family dropped by too! so nice of them!
too bad i wasn't able to give them any food from the bbq,
i wasn't financing it, so yeah, didn't wanna free load.
my prof (yew leong) came with his girlfriend!
they are damn cute, distant in their own little world!
grace, elene, florence, samantha, melvin, jason, wee kwang, CJ and i played bumper cars.
haha so fun to play bumper cars with a whole group of friends and it's only us there!
i miss the beach. didn't get to really appreciate it much, coz there was no one to appreciate it with!

i left the bbq at around 10+ with serene.
headed for pasir ris NTUC chalet, guan cheng's (a.k.a endru) birthday chalet.
there were a few smu people there, alan, yiu qing (i think) val, who i don't exactly recognize.
also, the best part was, there were my patrician seniors! haha.
it was crazy, there were so much alcohol.
we were playing this king's court game.
drank a whole lot until a zonked out at around 3 am.
i didn't puke though, i only puked when i woke up at 9 plus.
guan cheng was damn wasted, he puked inside the chalet,
and we had to flood the whole place.
crazy siah, it's all because of the patricians la.
haha, but it was damn fun. patrician parties are the best.

oh well, i'm still feeling kinda sick from last night.
bahz! couldn't eat anything this morning or else i'll puke.
but just had lunch so its ok now. oh well.
time to think of something to do,
or better yet - just slack!

In posterum
Till the next day

the time has come

2003-12-07T05:22:15Z

hey world! stay happy today ok? it's a day for celebration!

i juz woke up like 45 minutes ago, had a quick lunch.
slacked on the comp for awhile.
was msn-ing steph via sham.
haha so funny.
anyway, yeah i need to bathe soon,
supposed to meet a few others at parkway at 2.
but i have a feeling they're gonna be late.
so i'll just take my own sweet time.

last night was sweet.
talking to two old close friends,
that i have really spoken to for the past 2 and a half years,
one - we had an argument,
and the other, parted in our ways.
its nice looking back at the stuff that happened before,
and realising that its in the past,
and there's always tomorrow,
to patch things up, start a new.

man, i can't wait. gotta go.

Age. Fac ut gaudeam
Go ahead. Make my day!

paolobear @ 2003-12-06T20:12:00

2003-12-06T12:06:38Z

here i am again world. you've been neutral today i see. you were beautiful this morning.

slept most of the day.
that's all i can do really.
just wasting time away.

she sms-ed me today and asked how my results were,
well, i couldn't sms back (maybe by divine intervention),
or since there's no more credit, i called her.

she didn't answer though, but she called back.
it was nice to hear her voice again,
and her giggly self.

i guess, i still have feelings for her.
who knows what the future holds?

i think my dad and mom had a fight today.
i think it was about some cactus.
yeah, silly i guess.
but's its been hard times.

my dad's in, my mom's out.
i don't know where she is.

i just keep hoping things will get better.

Sol omnibus lucet
The sun shines upon us all.

moviethon

2003-12-05T23:36:29Z

lalala hey world! wassup?

i just got back from the OLPS moviethon.
quite fun.
haha miss hanging out with the sec 3 bunch.
anyways, just slacking, dun feel like sleeping.

lalalalalalala

bye!

insomnia

2003-12-04T18:08:24Z

i can't sleep.
what's wrong with me.

hard times makes it difficult to sleep.

where are the answers i'm looking for.

time and time again, i find myself back at the beginning.

somebody save me.

Proximus sum egomet mihi
I am closest to myself.

missed

2003-12-03T15:40:25Z

tonight i missed a great party at zouk. most of my friends are there.
jc and smu friends. sheeesh. nevermind. there's always a next time.

invitations for sunday:
1) noormah's party at her house
2) endru's birthday party at ntuc chalet
3) bryan's birthday party at his house
4) smu friends bbq

of course i'm going for the smu one. it's the group that i hang out with most of the time.

oh well. life's never fair.

so far so good

2003-12-03T11:53:05Z

hello world! you're bitter sweet lately, reflecting how i feel. somehow, you always know what to tell me.

yesterday was alright, it rained, i went to the gym.
met up with a friend. well, yeah, just a friend i guess.
today was alright, had an SMU Symphonia meeting.
rushed home for the house blessing.

the good news?
so far my grades are excellent.
A+ for Business, Government & Society,
A for Analytical Skills
A- for Business Law.

oppurtunities that i have missed:
1) a trip to Thialand to represent SMU in the Chulalongkorn University Forum
2) Young Entreprenuers Congress
3) YouthOpia
4) A Conference in Hawaii next year
5) a girlfriend
6) SOS last friday
7) Embassy last saturday
8) Limp Bizkit concert (does this count? it was cancelled in the end)
9) Zouk tonight

oh well, its my house blessing now, lotsa kids around. sheesh.

Amicus verus est rara avis
A true friend is a rare bird

out of nothingness

2003-11-30T16:44:38Z

yo world, its been quite weird lately. you cried on friday, i wonder why.

suddenly, i don't have school.
it so weird. i wanted to celebrate,
but, i couldn't. family crisis.
i'm old enough to understand anyway.
been on the comp mostly,
just crapping.
slept a lot.
going to send duong (my favorite vietnamese girl),
to the airport tomorrow.
gonna miss her! she'll be back in a month.
i hope she brings me back something from vietnam.
went for sws today, quite alright.
my solos aren't so bad anymore.

Where is the person who fills the emptiness beside me when i look through the hourglass of my life? The emptiness becomes a blackhole, slowly draining away the joys and the laughter, turning them into endless pits of darkness without meaning nor purpose. The space longs to be occupied with a being that listens when no one listens - those painful instances when i speak and only hear my voice resounding in my own head. The same lonesome voice that echoes in my emotional walls are joined by the voice of that being waiting for me to realise that it is present, ever hoping that i will never see myself alone. Holding my hand, not like a lover, but of a saint assuring a lost soul that there is no need to be in despair, and while holding my hand raise me from my bleeding knees that have been touching the cold heartless ground. Knowing my need to know that i am alive, this being would touch ever so gently my face, pulling me back into reality, reversing the process of my own being fading into the background, into nothingness. Sometimes i feel its all a dream, a dream that i'm living a nightmare. The emptiness growing ever more the closer i get into finding the missing piece of my picture. The moment i start to formulate an image of this being when i look into the mirror, the mirror cracks into a thousand pieces, multiplying my tears by a thousand fold into millions. When will my search end? When will i find that being that can sit beside me and tell me everything i need to know without uttering a single whisper? It has been too long, and my days too short. The day will have to come soon. I can only hope it does.

Pars maior lacrimas ridet et intus habet
You smile at your tears but have them in your heart.

rain

2003-11-28T06:08:58Z

hey world!!! you're crying!!! i hope it's in celebration~!~

it's my last paper in just over 20 minutes!
stupid business law! who cares....
anyway, didn't get my books.
never mind, guess it's a sign that i need a break.
still wondering where i should go tonight.
most probably go SOS with chanel and others.
okie, gotta run now...

come again another day

hey plas!

2003-11-27T16:15:30Z

yo world! you're mood has been very nice lately! must be the festive season!

i got my first A+ in my SMU life!
this is sooo cool.
i guess i won't do so badly for the others as well.
i might even be able to be on the dean's list!

i woke up at around 10 30+.
was chatting with dom.
met up with him an guss (and the gf) at noon at tanah merah mrt.
went all the way to city hall and we parted.

went to school for my analytical skills (logic) exam.
it was quite fun. yes, it was interesting.
i think i'll do alright for it.
then checked out the BGS results,
and i got an A plus!
hehe, it so nice.
then i studied biz law,
and now i'm here at home.

my biz law might be screwed.
i don't know.
guess i'll just give it my best shot.

why do you have to go?

accounting

2003-11-26T04:51:03Z

hey world, you're bright and happy today! it's contagious!

today's my financial accounting paper - my worst subject for the term.
i should be able to pass i hope. maybe even scrape through with a B-.

last night i made two bets over the match between intermilan and arsenal.
with jamiel, if arsenal won, i'd buy him breakfast, if not, breakfast for me!
with marcus, if the total was 3 goals he'd win 10 bucks, if it was 4, i'd win.
well, there results are 5-1 to arsenal! sheesh! i lost breakfast... damn!

anyway, on monday i almsot forgot my mom's birthday, lucky my sis called.
we had guests over, and there were like a millions kids in the house!
it was utter madness, and a complete mess! i had a few drinks too.

i'm at the second floor of the library, nothing much to do.
just had lunch, exam is in 1 hr and 10 minutes. it should be ok.

often we do not put importance on those that need importance

comics

2003-11-21T11:54:51Z

hey world! you feeling better today huh?

woke up at almost 12 today, despite the drilling and hammering.
had a bottle of baileys minis, then had lunch.
played the sax for awhile, then headed for school.
i reached school around 3 30.
studied for financial accounting for awhile.
still not enough studying! sheesh. this is bad.
i'm in my school library now - again.
just came back from the gym.
SHIT! i left my watch in the gym.
ok, gonna go get it now,
and have dinner.

love me, hold me, kiss me

bailey's

2003-11-20T16:15:01Z

you'll be fine world, get some rest alright?

juz got back home from picking up ching sian from the airport.
so happy to see her after like 4 months?
i hope to be able to spend some time with her while she's here.
oh yeah, she got my some baileys minis.
yuki and sheryl are also together, we finally got to the bottom of it.
jan and i were acting like lil kids in the airport.
didn't really do much studying today.
the 3rd floor toilet is under repair.
i have no idea where i should go and shit.
sheesh. my bro and baby sis are sick.
God please take care of them , they are very dear to me,
i know i haven't been around that much lately,
it's gonna be over in a week. Guide them and protect from evil.
everyone appears to be quite dead on msn.
oh well.

i'm just a kid and life is a nightmare

bad

2003-11-20T05:43:39Z

still gloomy world? come on, cheer up!

i haven't not been studying. this is bad. very bad.
i've got a meeting later on about the Lee Kwan Yew Biz Plan Competition.
that's gonna take a while.

ching sian's coming back tonight! miss her like madness!
i hope she has no way of reading this,
coz its a surprise that i'm going to meet jan and pick her (CS) at the airport.
in other words, she doesn't know i'll be meeting her at the airport!
well, i'm meeting jan at 9 at the airport.
sheesh, which means i've got leave here (school) by 7 30-ish.
which also means that i've onyl got about 3 hours of studying today.
damn damn damn it! so much to study!!!!!!!

get me out of this realistic dream

food

2003-11-19T11:54:44Z

damn it. ate too much today.
gained 2 kg. fuck.
muz exercise more and eat less tomorrow.

cut my life into pieces

wednesday yellows

2003-11-19T09:40:15Z

yo world, gloomy again? what's wrong? don't be sad....

i'm back at school again.
couldn't study at home.
it was too comfortable,
too slackable.

i got to school at around 3 45.
still my accounting.
finished some exercises on chapter 5,
gonna finish some from chapter 6 by 6 18 pm.
haha. alright, catch y'all later.

i believe in the sand beneath my toes.

accounting

2003-11-18T11:30:30Z

hey world, your gloomy again, what's down?

today's creative thinking class presentations were quite alright.
my group managed to do alright despite two memebers MIA.
after that, melvin brought us in his car,(me, cj, xiao yu and charlene) to town for lunch.
had hainese chicken rice at far east plaza.
then it started raining heavily,
lucky CJ didn't ride his bike.

it was raining like mad when we reached back to school,
got my shoes really wet.
went to accompany duong for lunch first though.
she failed her BGS, and she has to repeat it next term.
when i got to the library, i took off my wet shoes and socks,
haha, i was walking bear foot around the library.

wong yew leong (my anayltical skills prof) visited us at the library.
he looks so much like a student, can mingle with us.
when he came, all of us were crowding around him,
suddenly havign a million and one questions about AS.
i was teasing grace about her crush on yew leong.
i was soooo close in revealing it to him! haha.

anyway, nothing else much happened in the afternoon.
was studying, and finally i've finished chapter 6 of my accounting.
whew! i'm just slacking now at the library comp,
waiting till 8 pm when i'm gonna go gym with grace.

cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort